


Win Some, Lose Some

by forgetcanon



Series: Fully Informed / MIA Walters [2]
Category: Steam Powered Giraffe
Genre: F/M, Meet the Family, Rabbit is a dick
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-26
Updated: 2013-03-26
Packaged: 2017-12-06 15:02:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/737011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgetcanon/pseuds/forgetcanon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natalia meets The Spine's family. It goes about as well as can be expected, when a certain copper robot decides on sight that he hates her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Win Some, Lose Some

The Jon didn't have the patience to do this, The Spine couldn't slow down his boiler,  and HatchWorth's jittering made it impossible for him to be stealthy.  They assumed Rabbit couldn't do it either, and when everyone believed  that he was extremely loud and squeaked and clanked like nothing else  made on this holy Earth, a huge window of opportunity was opened. When  he took the time to actually oil his joints and make sure every bit was  screwed on to the right tension before scouting out a place to hide, he could be absolutely silent.  
  
He usually used it for the more effective and sneaky pranks during the Great April Prank Week, though occasionally there were more serious reasons for him to raid  Michael's toolbox in the middle of the night and filch one of The  Spine's oil cans. So now Rabbit skulked, silent and still, in the  doorway to the Hall of Dark and Slightly Malevolent Shadows. (As long as  he didn't completely walk inside and as long as he didn't wave a  flashlight at them he was completely safe and, more important, completely _unseen_ , so he lurked just inside the doorway and kept a sharp eye out.)  
  
At the moment, the HoDaSMS had a perfect view of the entrance hall. Down below, The Spine was pretending not to be anxiously pacing. He was merely walking back and forth, _calmly_. Extremely calmly.  
  
Rabbit wondered where The Spine had picked that one up. The Peter Walters never paced, because pacing when your hands were full of vials of acid or hot metal was not a habit that resulted in living to have children.  
  
Probably one of _them_ , he thought bitterly. One of the women that slithered their way into The Spine's core and dragged their claws down it, leaving tiny fissures in the metal that Blue Matter could leak out of and-  
  
Hmm. That metaphor needed more work. Rabbit absentmindedly toyed with it (perhaps something about crowbars? or treasure? should he imply that the women were octopi?) as he watched his little brother pace.  
  
\--  
  
Natalia pulled up to the giant, glowing, doorless manor  at 6:10. Ten minutes late. Not too bad, she thought, pulling her key out of the ignition. There was a moment of confusion as she tried to put it into  her purse, before she remembered that she wouldn't need her purse. She had decided against lugging a bag, no matter how small, around the manor. At best it would get caught on something and at worst it would  scuttle off into the manor with her ID and debit card and favorite pen.  
  
She looked at the manor. Something flickered in the doorway. Could be The Spine. Could be the butler with the lobsters for hands.  
  
After a moment she got out of the car and locked it with a beep, putting her keys in her front pocket. Then she yanked them out again, putting them in the other pocket so they wouldn't scrape against her cellphone. Maybe she should have worn a skirt, Walter Manor Shenanigans be damned. She felt downright classless, pulling up to the towering cobblestone buildling in jeans and converse, even if they were pretty nice jeans and new converse.  
  
She stared at her car and realized she could see her reflection in the shiny metal trimming on the side of the door. Before she knew it she was leaning in to see if her mascara had magically clumped-  
  
"Nope," she said. "No. Ridiculous." Shaking her head, she forcibly tore herself away from the car and told herself that she was not walking to her execution, she was meeting her boyfriend's family.  
  
Her robot boyfriend's family.  
  
The family that included an energetic younger brother that would try to hug  her to death instantly; a calmer but quirkier little brother that would threaten to kill her whole family as a joke; a brooding and quirky older brother that had a bad record with long hair and fire; a mad  scientist that regularly created plants that could walk and furniture that could sing; the previous mad scientist that had no eyes; a butler with lobsters for hands that had apparently been evil back in the day;  an immortal woman that married him; and a lady named Annie whom The Spine spoke of with more than a hint reverence.  
  
Natalia  wished she could sit down with her notebook and write out all the Pros  and Cons of why she should keep walking towards the shadowy doorway,  because she knew she had more Pros on that list. With the gravel  crunching under her feet as the manor grew higher against the sky, she just couldn't think of them right now.  
  
She crossed the threshold and the entrance hall immediately became brighter  than it had seemed from outside, revealing The Spine standing at the bottom of the most terrifying set of stairs she had ever seen in her  life.  
  
He smiled at her.  
  
Natalia realized after a moment that she was grinning desperately back,  grateful for something familiar in a day that already seemed pretty certain to be awful.   
  
(No, she thought. It isn't _certain_ to be awful, it just seems that way because I am terrified.)  
  
It was always good to be honest about things like that. She opened her mouth and "I am terrified," dropped out.  
  
The Spine's easy smile dropped into the blank slate that she had come to interpret as 'confused and perhaps a bit horrified,' but he practically sprang across the hall to gather her into his arms.  
  
"Calm  down," he said, as Natalia hugged him back so hard that her arms ached. She could feel the metal underneath his clothes. Nothing _really_ comforting there, just cold technology that couldn't actually feel the pressure. Nevertheless, it was reassuring, like having a seven-foot-tall teddy bear made out of titanium alloy that was hugging her at the exact pressure she had specified was 'a bit tight but not painful' a few weeks ago.  
  
"Have I reminded you today that I love you?" Natalia asked.  
  
She heard The Spine's face whir. She tilted her head up, a cheek against  his chest so that she could hear his inner workings. He was smiling. She smiled back, almost involuntarily.  
  
"Always good to hear it," The Spine drawled. "What have I done today to earn it?"  
  
"Been a perfect hugger and looked very good in a suit?"  
  
The Spine squinted at her. "I'm pretty sure that was a few days ago. Are you just recycling your reasons?"  
  
Natalia chuckled. "I don't know, the suit thing could cover a few days at least."  
  
The Spine glanced off to the side and up. "I hate to cut this round of  incredibly adorable teasing short, but The Jon is down the hall trying  to be sneaky but actually spamming me with messages about how he heard something that sounded like a girl is it her is it her."  
  
Natalia snickered, drawing away from him a bit, but still sticking close. "It _is_ her."  
  
The Spine was silent for a moment. "He just sent me... it's hard to  describe. But remember when you first heard that Mama was coming out on your birthday? And you jumped up and down and squealed? It's rather like that."  
  
\--  
  
The Jon jittered in place, straining to hear more. The Spine had told him that he wasn't allowed to be in the entrance hall when Natalia came in because he would probably scare her on accident, but this wasn't the entrance hall, right? If he could peer around the corner, it still wouldn't be the entrance hall, because the entrance hall ended on the first floor and he was on the fourth. He might be able to hear what was going on a bit better, though, if he had chosen the second story landing.  
  
'Is it her is it her is it her is  it her?' he sent, as rapidly as QWERTY would accept his messages.  
  
Finally he recieved one. 'Yes. It is her. Come on down.'  
  
'ghjaksLHKALSAAA!!!'  The Jon sent, jumping out of his stealthy crouch-walk and sprinting to  the stairs. At the bottom, two tiny people looked up at him. One of them  was The Spine. The other one was _her_.  
  
"Hi!" He yelled, waving.  
  
After a moment, the second tiny dot waved at him and yelled back, "Hi!"  
  
The Jon couldn't see her from up here. To see her, he needed to be down there. Maybe he really should have chosen the second story, but the fastest route between up here and down there was the bannister.  
  
'No,' The Spine sent, 'No that's a bad idea The Jon don't do it.'  
  
"Don't worry!" The Jon yelled, and sat on the bannister backwards. Norman must have polished it the day before, because he instantly began gaining speed. The Jon reached up to clamp his hat onto his head, and that was the exact moment that he reached the part of the bannister that Wanda had begun to weld steel bumps to, in order to deter bannister-riding.  
  
"Ouch!" The Jon said, but it was lost as he flailed to get away from the bannister and ended up rolling down the stairs, clanging down every step. He curled up into a little ball like Rabbit, the reigning champion, had taught him, and waited for the jostling to stop, whining all the way. If he had to spend a few hours in the workshop on the day that The Spine brought home the first girl in _years_ , he would throw a _fit_.  
  
After a full forty-five seconds, he slid a little on a flat surface and came to a halt. Groaning, he pushed himself onto his back. His sensors screamed at him, but nothing was actually damaged. Good.  
  
'Damage report,' The Spine demanded.  
  
"'M fine, fine," The Jon said. "Jus' dizzy. Wow, that was actually... that was actually kind of fun!"  
  
His eyes popped open, static still clogging his view a little, but it was good enough to see a pretty woman kneeling by his side, brushing brown hair out of her face. "Are you sure?" She asked. She was concerned for him. That was sweet of her.  
  
"You're really pretty," The Jon said. Her eyes- brown like the color of the  really soft mud at the bottom of the pond- widened in surprise. "No, you are! Hi, I'm The Jon!"  
  
"I'm Natalia," she replied, still looking caught off-guard by the compliment.  
  
He stook his hand in her direction. She took it, and instead of shaking it  she used it to help him up. The Jon didn't tell her that he was really getting up on his own because letting her hold his weight would probably dislocate her arm. He had done that, once, to a man that tried to help him up. It had been an accident, and the guy had been real nice about it, but The Spine probably wouldn't be happy with him if Natalia had to spend any time at the hospital.  
  
The Spine handed The Jon his hat and wig. "Here. Are you sure you're alright, The Jon?"  
  
"Oh  fine, fine, it barely even hurt! I wanna do it again!" The Jon grinned, fitting his wig back onto his head. "It was like a roller coaster, but with less seatbelts and more bounces!"  
  
"I'm sure we can get Wanda to set up baby gates on each floor so that doesn't happen again," The Spine said comfortingly, patting him on the back. "Anyways, what do you think, Natalia? 9/10?"  
  
Natalia  didn't understand for a moment, but then she smiled. "Well, the clanging was a bit off-putting, and for a moment I was actually afraid, so I don't think I can give it any more than an 8.5, sorry."  
  
"Drat," The Jon said, grinning. He _loved_ it when they had a sense of humor. "I don't suppose I can go and have a second try...?"  
  
The Spine cleared his throat. "No, The Jon. Let's not tempt fate. Where are the others?"  
  
The Jon thought about it. "Well, Rabbit's been out of touch since this morning, and Hatchy's helping set up the dining room, and Wanda and  Norman went to check on the townhouse in Bip. Annie's up with Five, and  Six... I dunno."  
  
The Spine nodded. "Hatchy it is, then." He offered his arm to Natalia.  To The Jon's delight, she took it, beaming up at The Spine.  
  
'THAT IS REALLY CUTE,' The Jon sent to The Spine. The Spine glared at him.  
  
\--  
  
Rabbit was a tactician, and anyone unlucky enough to be under his sights would agree that under his sights was an unpleasant place to be.  
  
He made a mental list as The Jon lead The Spine and Natalia to the dining room.  
  
a) Uncomfortable in the manor already. (An excellent starting place.)  
b) Uncomfortable with others being harmed. (Perhaps he could try the Flopsy((OMG)) when she left. Though she probably wouldn't fall for it, having just seen his little brother fall down all those stairs.)  
c) Not afraid of physical contact with robots. (Though that could just be the nature of the physical contact- looming over her would probably still unnerve her.)  
d) Extremely close relationship with The Spine. (Harder to convince her to leave.)  
e) Uncertain of others' motivation when they compliment her. (Passive-agression was a strong point for him. This was good news.)  
f) The Jon has taken a liking to her.  
  
Rabbit hesitated over the last one. The Spine's taste in women tended towards the sensible and grounded, and it was usually easy to convince The Jon that they weren't worth The Spine's energy or time.  
  
Then he realized.  
  
HatchWorth.  
  
Oh  no, he thought, and stumbled out of the HoDaSMS. Oh no, oh no, oh no.  Going by a bunch of her statuses on Facebook, Natalia was _exactly_ HatchWorth's kind of gal.   
  
He sprinted to the Hall of Dining, making a quick pitstop at his room for some ammunition. He had damage control to do.  
  
He arrived ahead of them, and sprinted across the wide hall. HatchWorth looked up, alarmed at his speed.  
  
"Hel **lo** Rabbit, are you be _ing_ chased by **ra** bid _car_ rots a **gain**?" He asked, putting  down a chair he was dragging to the table. " **What** are you do _ing_ with the-"  
  
"N-Nevermind that, Hatchy, I need your he-elp!"  
  
HatchWorth snapped to attention. "I will glad ** _ly_** as **sist** you."  
  
 _Excellent_.


End file.
